The VetsConnection Podcast
Join host Scott McLean, a veteran and also a passionate advocate for veterans' well-being. Each week Scott will bring you an episode that will feature insightful conversations with representatives from non-profit organizations dedicated to supporting veterans, as well as experts discussing programs within the Veterans Affairs (V.A.) aimed at assisting veterans with their needs. From discussing innovative therapies to highlighting community resources, this podcast sheds light on the myriad of ways veterans can find support and healing thru nonprofit organizations and also to connect nonprofits with each other in hopes of creating a network that will be beneficial to all.
The VetsConnection Podcast
Ep. 35 - Army Veteran's Journey: From Combat to The Ft. Hood Incident To Finding Peace In Art Therapy. I talk With Army Veteran And Artist Michael Vascellaro
Michael Vesalero, an army veteran, artist, and poet, shares a moving and deeply personal story that opens the door to understanding the often-hidden struggles of military life and its aftermath. Growing up in upstate New York after being born in West Palm Beach, Michael's journey from a youth spent in challenging circumstances to his enlistment in the army at 18 sets a powerful narrative of resilience. His vivid recollections of basic training at Fort Benning and subsequent deployment with the "Ghost Battalion" and "Shocker Platoon" reveal the harsh realities of military service, painted with honesty and raw emotion.
Listeners gain an intimate glimpse into the duality of combat experiences, with stories that range from night missions in perilous terrains to the emotional rollercoaster of camaraderie and loss. Michael doesn't shy away from addressing the profound mental health challenges he faced, including surviving the 2009 Fort Hood shooting and the struggles of reintegration into civilian life. His candid discussion highlights the critical need for support systems for veterans, drawing attention to the importance of addressing PTSD and mental health stigma within military culture.
As the conversation unfolds, Michael underscores the healing power of creative expression, sharing how poetry and art have been lifelines in his journey towards recovery. He advocates passionately for greater recognition of art therapy as a therapeutic tool for veterans, while also presenting his heartfelt Christmas poem that reflects on positivity, family, and tradition. This episode promises an enlightening exploration of the transformative impact of storytelling and creativity, wrapped in a message of hope and healing for those who have served.
Welcome to the podcast. I'm Scott McClain. My guest today is Michael Vesalero. Michael is an army veteran located in Palm Beach County and he's a artist and a poet is really, really unique. And as a little bonus, I asked him on Sunday, just out of nowhere. I said hey, your episode is going to be released around Christmas. Can you do a Christmas poem? Because he's really good, his poetry is really really good and it's kind of short notice and this is being recorded on Tuesday the 10th. And he said sure, and that was like Sunday morning. And then by late Sunday afternoon he sent me this poem, this Christmas poem. Veteran Christmas poem and all right.
Scott McLean:It kind of got me a little teary-eyed at one point. So I'm going to have him, during this podcast, read that Christmas poem and I promise you stay tuned in and listen because it's well worth the wait once he reads it. So, without further ado, sorry for my ongoing rant, michael. Oh, by the way, welcome to the One man, one Mic Foundation podcast studio, thank you. Sponsored by Willow and Palm Construction, willow and Palm, delray Beach, florida, willow and Palm, south Florida's premier builder, from driveways to roofs to buildings, if you need it, they'll build it. Find them at willowandpalmcom.
Scott McLean:See, I do that live read now it's like I say every episode. Now they deserve it. They're very good to me. So how are you doing today, michael?
Michael Vascellaro:Doing all right.
Scott McLean:All right, all right, so let's get right into it. Tell me, where are you from originally.
Michael Vascellaro:I was born in West Palm Beach in 1988. And then, shortly a few months after, my mom brought me to upstate new york, where she was born and raised, and that's where I was raised, between uh seneca lake and geneva and lions area okay, uh, when did you went in the army?
Scott McLean:when? When did you go in?
Michael Vascellaro:um 18, um turning 19, so um like by the time I signed up for the recruiter and left. I left january and my birthday was, or is, december 11th so tomorrow happy birthday, happy early birthday, thank you um, so yeah, that was all right.
Scott McLean:Freshly 19 what year was that?
Michael Vascellaro:um in 2008 and um my start wasn't that easy I was raised by a single mother and um struggled in school and uh was hanging out in the streets by the time I got into high school and had a girlfriend who I ended up uh kind of like the old, uh Italian movies, um movies, um, I thought it was cool to fight over a girl and uh threaten somebody we were just kids.
Michael Vascellaro:So I went to his house like a tough guy to call him out to fight and nothing happened. But because I went there and threatened to fight him, it was enough means for police to get involved and slap me with menacing and I was already talking to a recruiter. So I spent, uh, my 17th birthday and Christmas in jail as turning 18, from 17, turning 18, um, for 30 days and then it was For 30 days and then it was Tooken off my record and I got ready and left for the army as an infantryman, so you spent the Christmas Eve in jail.
Michael Vascellaro:Yeah, a lot of tough situations that you're not ready for At such a young age. But this is. I didn't expect it Because again At that time time, generations before us, boys fighting or calling each other out was pretty normal.
Scott McLean:But then I just ended up getting caught up. Yeah. Someone called the cops.
Michael Vascellaro:I got.
Scott McLean:I could say something about that, but I won't, we'll move on. I'm with you, though I'm with you so, but I won't, we'll move on. I'm with you though I'm with you.
Michael Vascellaro:So you went in the Army, did you go over, so the same girl that I was fighting over we actually had just had a baby too, so my daughter was only about six months old and then I left in January, went straight to Fort Benning, georgia, as an infantryman, where AIT and all that is all in one and, by April, graduate and basic training was wild and crazy was everything you would expect from old movies. I'm not the strongest guy, I'm not the biggest guy. This is infantry, so they push you a little bit harder to keep up with the bigger guys. But also, a lot of my motivation was watching guys that were weaker than me, um, mentally and physically, and I watched a lot of.
Michael Vascellaro:It's kind of hard to talk about today because we have a lot of wokeism and, uh, liberalism and things like that. But, um, do I believe that there's a such thing as tough love? Yes, but I also do believe that there is some unnecessary, uh, actions that don't really need to happen that can really change people's lives. So I've, you know, it really stuck with me to watch some of these guys who left for basic and failed in basic, um, not only because of their own flaws or weakness, but also because they were really tough on you, like I mean, watch guys get beat up and treated wrong, right. So that motivated me to keep going, because I was like I don't want to be that guy, I don't want to have to repeat basic, I don't want to have to have a profile, I don't want to be any of that.
Michael Vascellaro:So it wasn't easy, but, um, yeah, so it was like wasn't the I, wasn't the guy that could carry all the weight and walk all the distance. It was a really uh, uh, something that I really had to dig deep down inside to get myself through.
Michael Vascellaro:Right, and so you get through that Yep and then uh home for about a month and then straight to fort hood and um, we, our um class that graduated, were became a bunch of fillers. So, uh, rapid, rapid deployment units, ready to go, placement in open spaces where they needed extra men.
Michael Vascellaro:So we were graduated as infantrymen, which you'll see on my deployment orders, or awards come up as tankermen, because they placed a few of us infantry men with tanker company units, because the mission that we were doing in Iraq didn't require them to utilize tanks but to do missions on trucks, so pretty much an infantryman job. So we were mixed in. We deployed on the day of my daughter's birthday, june 15th of 2008. And when I got there. When we got there, everybody was uh kind of um, uh, spending time with family and packing stuff, so we kind of just had to jump into that and then, uh, for me, where I feel my story is important is because uh as I said, not being the strongest guy being raised by a single mother.
Michael Vascellaro:Um, I, you know, have to admit to myself, but who I am is that I've been more of a. I lead with my heart, so I'm a very loving, caring guy and.
Michael Vascellaro:I have a lot of sensitivity. So, uh, uh, to where, as some guys would be like, oh just toughen up, just suck it up, it doesn't matter. But um, some of those tough guys, a lot of those tough guys, weren't in the same situation as me either, right? So here I was waiting to get on the bus, waiting the days in order to deploy, and I didn't have anybody there.
Michael Vascellaro:And, um, making sense of that and going through that was tough for me because, well, I couldn't make sense of which one is tougher, right? Actually, seeing your family and hugging them and saying goodbye or not, and in the moment, standing to the side and watching everyone hug their families and say bye was really hard on me emotionally. I had knots in my chest because you have that fear and you don't really have anyone comfort you, to say goodbye to you. Really have anyone come?
Michael Vascellaro:for you to say goodbye to you and um so, uh, it was a long ride to get to iraq.
Michael Vascellaro:We got to kuwait first and then um on deployment. We spent about a month between kuwait and uh Nazaria air base in Iraq and we were uh exchanging equipment and trucks and all of that and Gary Owen, the unit that I was a part of attached to 2-7 Cav. Gary Owen is the same unit that served in the movie. We Were Soldiers and the colors, the guide arm, the flags on it, the last base to be built. Bob Gary Owen was in that movie so I didn't know that, but learned it later on.
Michael Vascellaro:But after we got to Iraq they wanted to build a FAB.
Michael Vascellaro:units were tasked with going out to southern iraq, right next to the iran border and establishing a fob the fob for the people that don't know forward operating base um from nazaria right and um, along with air force and a couple companies dredging it, and it was like really fine dust, like walking on the moon type dust, until they brought in gravel and HESCO baskets to fill. We had to fill sand. We still have our mission, daily mission or night mission but in the in-between time, uh, villain stand bags.
Michael Vascellaro:Um, uh, craft duty, I'm trying to think for the right word um, where you're burning uh feces, right, um putting, uh we start. They started getting attacked by rockets because, being that it was out in the field, it wasn't secure enough for enemy to launch in mortar rounds, so they were using 240mm rockets and launching them from a mile or two miles out and launching them in and killed a few guys after setting up the tents. So then, after them getting hit with shrapnel and dying in their sleep, we had to put sandbags all around the tents and bunkers with sandbags and, um, all of that. And we at the time we didn't have uh sirens either.
Michael Vascellaro:So it, you know, just a small bomb. No, no no your uh warning no, advanced technology. Your warning was the explosion in the background. You heard it in the background, then you knew the whistle and then within, like you know, five to ten seconds, laundry trailers, our tents, all types of things.
Michael Vascellaro:So I know people have exposure, illnesses and things like that from burn pits, which we also had to partake in as well, but I say the whole deployment, the whole base was a burn pit, because when the Rockets blew up it burnt everything, even uniforms that were supposed to be flame proof with whatever chemicals or materials those are made with, still burned in the in the explosion, um, uh, complete blackout. We were, our battalion was the ghost battalion and, uh, my company, or charlie company, but then my platoon was the Shocker.
Michael Vascellaro:Platoon and platoons would go out as how they wanted to as far as night missions. But for us, our platoon leader wanted us to go to completely blackout for their own reasons, but it kept us alive, so we would go out on night missions and our night missions would consist of being in the TAIs, which is a tactical area of interest about three, four miles away from the base around the base, to whether it was fields, whatever it was to roam around in order to deter them from launching in rocket because it was happening so much.
Michael Vascellaro:So, even though we would have, there was times where we'd have to be out on day mission we would have to turn around a few hours later and you would find yourself standing in the field, driving through the fields, driving through berms and backyards and all these risky places which we had problems like with our one of our trucks rolling over off the berm and almost killing a guy and destroying the truck.
Michael Vascellaro:And that was crazy because we were up on the berm pulling security and they still launched in the rockets. So we had the rockets on the right side being launched and flying in hitting the base on the left side and they're calling up to us to respond to the rockets. But we're calling up to them telling them that we can't because we have a truck that's rolled over and like it was just.
Scott McLean:Chaos yeah chaos, chaos.
Michael Vascellaro:So the day missions consisted of helping pull security and operations for training the police academy setting up a police academy for the Iraqis to train a bunch of cadets to become Iraqi police.
Michael Vascellaro:So we would pull security on them at the academy some days, and then some days do missions where we would let them lead the way, or a lot of times in between, um doing humanitarian things like giving out book bags at school where we would take sniper shots and they had a v-bit ready for us or what's that vehicle born id and then when they get uh intel that that is there, thank god, you have to reroute and all of that and um yeah, sniper shots while you're giving out book bags.
Michael Vascellaro:Yeah, you know that's a little fucked up, yeah I heard it was crazy because uh it was towards our medic and it was meant to be a headshot and there was a little bit of confusion over the radio, because during the deployment a person gets to go on leave.
Michael Vascellaro:So sometimes you have positions change up a little bit. Maybe one guy who's always on the second truck, maybe on the first truck because he's still in that spot while the guy's on leave. So sometimes there was a little confusion about call signs over the radio, right, because if I'm the two truck I'm calling up as two truck but I'm trying to talk with the one truck, but the guy on the one truck's not used to responding as a one truck.
Michael Vascellaro:Gotcha Then there's a little confusion there to let them know. Hey, I see a guy on the left side on the balcony, but when the shot went off it went so close to his face that it cut his nose and a little bit of shrapnel on his face and hit the truck.
Scott McLean:So yeah, yeah, that's tough. So how long were you?
Michael Vascellaro:over there for For a year, minus your leave Right and again when you say a full year you're in a full year of danger, yes, but there's those transition phases as well that people don't talk about, where you're like in weight and you're waiting in line and yeah, I mean you're still in danger, but you're not like right and yeah, like you were, yeah.
Scott McLean:So uh, you come back and you eventually get out.
Michael Vascellaro:Well, the biggest incident was uh uh being hit by an EFP.
Scott McLean:And people that don't know, uh EFP.
Speaker 3:It's all right. It's all right, they can look it up, it's a.
Michael Vascellaro:It's a copper bowl that usually gets packed into a five gallon bucket or smaller depending on the size of explosives and when it goes off it's a projectile instead of a aerial. So an id is the aerial, yeah, and the efp is more directional. So they would aim the EFPs by angling them.
Scott McLean:So it's like a homemade claymore almost Well.
Michael Vascellaro:the copper bowl would turn inside out and it would be like liquid copper and it went straight through our armor and one of our guys in our battalion got hit by one and it went straight through and killed the gunner, the one that went off on us. We never go with lights on Our first sergeant. The higher command wanted to go out with us, so that means a couple added trucks, but because he's the big guy, we do what he tells us to do and he wanted us to go with all the lights on off about a mile and a half, two miles down the road from the FOB, and the timing of it and how they set it up, we don't know, if it fell when they were trying to set it up, if they were doing it too fast or whatever the case may be, but it went off uh in between the
Michael Vascellaro:trucks and into the ground. So we like, got the blast and the shrapnel from it and, um, uh, lots of confusion and you know some, a lot of the dark humor and the ptsd comes from, uh, um, similarities and things. So, uh, when the efp went off, the base was calling over the radio because they thought it was incoming rockets, because when these rockets would go off, I mean it's hard to describe.
Michael Vascellaro:I have videos on my YouTube channel, and so also with the consistency of the rockets flying in they wanted to bring in more protection for us, so they, instead of having mortar men on the corners of our FOB, they ended up bringing in paladins, which is like, uh, the big boys of tanks, you know, the big gun. And when the paladins would go off, there would be times where we're like on, and when they went off, we would laugh and joke to each other because we would jump and not know.
Scott McLean:Shakes the earth.
Michael Vascellaro:Are those rockets coming in and blowing up? Or are those rockets going out?
Michael Vascellaro:and fighting back, and fighting back the hardest part of my experience our deployment was everything that we were pushed to do. Is that what kept us alive? Was it necessary, and could there have been a better way to do things or deal with things? So the reason why I say that is because I watched a lot of guys lower enlisted like me, or higher command also were disciplined or relieved of positions because we were really hard on each other. We were really hard on each other.
Michael Vascellaro:There was a lot of aggression, a lot of pushing you over your limit, so people snapped. I mean, when you're on mission all day, mission all night, and you're getting attacked and you're taking all these hits, not being able to fight back and just taking it took a toll on people. You, yeah yeah, and I don't know how to explain it, sorry we can move on um we don't have to talk. It was, it was really hard yeah, that's fine, I, I get and in for hood is hard.
Michael Vascellaro:Yeah, as soon as we came back in june now, mind you, like a month or two after we came home, we got word from the people that replaced us, that they actually abandoned the base because they didn't want to do everything that we were doing, and they took significant casualties to the point where they just didn't want to.
Scott McLean:So all that work that you put in and the losses, the casualties, the injuries, the time the stress the tears. All that was, but not Is that how you looked at it? Not so much, All right.
Michael Vascellaro:But later in my recovery it was just more or less understanding the system that we serve? Yeah Right, the system that we serve, yeah Right. So, uh, similarities between our deployment and say, the Vietnam, is that this was we like to say, um, we do this for Americans and the freedom of Americans, um, but a lot of times we're doing this for big business and for cultural influence.
Michael Vascellaro:So who benefits from it and what comes from it? Uh, is like what you would see with v is tourism right, american, your influence of culture. So I wouldn't say it wasn't for nothing, because you know, that's kind of cool to see and to witness, right, to see the smile on the kids' faces when they're playing with the balls or school, and to have a commonality so our cultures can accept each other, right. The only negative thing I would say is that those royalties that are secured from those operations should be shared with veterans, and that's a whole thing that I go down in my book and my writings is that we shouldn't be solely relying on the VA for financial support and we shouldn't have to be. You know, our only source of success is making a full recovery and somehow changing your life around or coming from generational wealth, but it should come from royalties that are drawn up in your contract. And that's the difference between what I've seen movie stars, football players and military is that we just have to be honest and that is like okay, these wars are going to benefit businessmen. We protect their assets, they, you know, as a businessman in America, if you need certain materials or certain things or you want to conduct business whatever. I think that's amazing, but these things should be taught and these things should be talked about when you're deciding to serve this system to say, okay, this is what we're doing it for.
Michael Vascellaro:So the reason why I say that is because now, a couple years ago, I look, it popped up on my timeline or something like that and I clicked on it. But you can now go on Ticketmaster or Hotelscom and get a hotel room a mile down from where I was hit by an IED. And then I dug a little bit deeper and looked at when that hotel was built and how we influenced their culture and how we influence their culture. Well, the only reason that was capable of being done was because the work that we did, because we built up a police force, and that police force protects business, protects the big guys. Because you start bringing in assets, you start wanting to change their culture, you're going to make people unhappy, you know, and they're going to burn it down, they're going to steal your equipment, they're going to do whatever.
Michael Vascellaro:So that's you know, thanks to us, we built that police force so that you could do these things. So now you can. So there's a sense of security, there's a culture, there's a vibrant community, there's you know, and how we influence that's an vibrant community there's, you know, and how we influence that's an interest that's an interesting concept.
Scott McLean:So it really is.
Michael Vascellaro:It really wasn't for nothing it's just right I would love to see veterans not so down and out. You know only one guy reaping the benefits of it, yeah, so so when did you get?
Michael Vascellaro:out. So we came back in June of 2009. And the chaos only got worse from there. The transition evaluations that you go through for a month or so after you come home. Those buildings were across the street, a little bit down to the side, and you have to report there and this is where you get your evaluations, like your hearing, your eyesight, your testing and questions and psychological stuff and all that, and the same guy that we had to go through a couple months after we returned, uh, ended up shooting about 30 of us, 40 of us and killing about 30 of them. The 2009 Fort.
Michael Vascellaro:Hood.
Scott McLean:You were there.
Michael Vascellaro:Yeah, and we had just gotten back from deployment. We're infantrymen and it like you. Just as soon as it started happening, the alarms go off, you hear a bunch of moving around, but as far as us at work, we had to lock in place. So you're not allowed to run and help you don't have access to your weapon or your ammo.
Michael Vascellaro:And here's this guy just gunning us down just killing everyone and my wife at the time we lived on base so she's experiencing the same thing, but she don't know what's going on. Right, because we know what's going on, but they just hear the sirens of lock in the place and there's an active shooter. But so, yeah, communicating that with your wife and going through that whole thing, it was crazy, yeah, yeah yeah, that's I'm not. Yeah, go on it.
Michael Vascellaro:It wasn't just that. It was again a lot of guys not getting the help that you need and dealing with everything, maybe not asking for the help that you need and dealing with everything maybe not asking for the help that you need. There was a lot of pain and suffering among a lot of those soldiers and when I was moved back into my infantry uh platoon about like a week after uh one of our battle buddies.
Michael Vascellaro:Uh was at the club and fighting with another soldier I mean whoever's from Fort hood, and I mean they know exactly what I'm talking about, cause it's not just an isolated situation, but um, exactly what I'm talking about, because it's not just an isolated situation, but um started fighting over a girl with another soldier and the other soldier stabbed him in the heart and killed him and we had to pull security on his barracks room until his parents to come and get his stuff and go through uh, you through the ceremony and everything where you have that knot in
Michael Vascellaro:your chest, which again happened in Iraq. Those were the hardest times for me was watching the body and watching the box getting I don't want to say paraded, but brought in front of you, across you, and you have to somehow tell yourself that tomorrow I'm going to be that gunner and I got to go on a mission tomorrow and that could be me with the guy at Fort Hood was watching and being a part of telling his parents that he's 19, he survived.
Scott McLean:Iraq and one of his own guys killed him.
Michael Vascellaro:You were only 19 during that 20, 19, 20?
Scott McLean:I had just turned 20,. Yeah, Just a kid man.
Michael Vascellaro:You don't feel like it, but.
Scott McLean:No, at the time you don't, and you're right, you're absolutely right, and that's the difference, that's the thing, right? So when you're in the moment, you feel like a man, you feel like a woman, you feel mature, you feel, oh, I'm ready for this, okay, this is this and that stuff, but it's later on, when you get older, and this shouldn't have happened, I shouldn't have been there. I was you know, those questions pop in and you know. I don't want to go down that alley with you, because that's a little deep.
Michael Vascellaro:But we know, I know, you know, I think a lot of people listening probably understand that. So there was a lot of because of all this and being infantry. I mean these guys are hard and they don't care.
Michael Vascellaro:So not only are they pushing for you to get things done on the checklist for the next deployment that's coming within 12 months, but also um training for like the EIB or things like that. So I needed help and I started asking for help and was evaluated for, you know, back injuries, neck injury, um, uh, ptsd, all this stuff and some of the reason why the guys didn't want to ask for help and they just, you know, drown it out with alcohol or just ignore it.
Michael Vascellaro:Or maybe some guys actually are prepared and know how to deal with it and they are working through it Right, but for me, for some of the guys, when you start, asking for help.
Michael Vascellaro:Well, the military is required to make sure you get that help. So now you're kind of stuck in a tough situation because it's like you have five or six different medical appointments or evaluations or treatments, but now you're missing out on range day. You're missing out on qualification. You're missing out on range day. You're missing out on qualification, you're missing out on whatever. So there starts to create friction and they start debating on whether or not they want to keep you in um and a lot of guys were dealing with emotional and physical pain to where it was affecting their relationships with their wives, and a lot of guys were being abused because you would get into heated moments and the wives and I don't want to take nothing from them because I understand that being an army wife is- hard as well right.
Michael Vascellaro:I don't want to take anything away from the wives that do put in the work and do understand, but my wife, along with a lot of other wives, had a hard time dealing with the fact that we have to go to work by 4 o'clock in the morning and we might not come back because platoon decides that we're gonna do qualification range and we're gonna stay out there until and we might as well take advantage and do night qualification as well and then the doctor's appointments and the culture behind it is, you know, what do we do on our downtime? What do we do for brotherly love or brotherly connection?
Michael Vascellaro:well it was a lot of destructiveness, like drinking alcohol, hanging out, going to the club and fights. We're all over the place where this creates a lot of friction and a lot of uh disruption in relationships and career. All of that so um, my wife at the time, uh got into a physical fight with me and I just had to take it and she was arrested and our child was removed.
Michael Vascellaro:This was on base and even though she broke my finger and was arrested for it, you still have to, like, go through military procedures of like yeah, they got the whole like suicide watch and you know battle buddy and the military, police and on base and all this stuff so long. Story short is um.
Michael Vascellaro:I ended up being honorably discharged for, uh, chapter five, dash eight, which is a family care plan, because so many people the platoons that were made of people transitioning out of the military or getting discharged was enormous that they didn't have room and there was so much going on that if there was a way to get you out honorably then they wanted to do that because there was so many guys. You know, like one of my battle buddies who was on his second deployment and he made one mistake of driving back on the base, drunk, and his mirror hit, barely hit the gate, and he got in trouble for drinking and driving and got honorably discharged, losing all his benefits and being, you know, labeled like that and kicked out like that after serving two deployments is a really a sad thing, you know?
Scott McLean:yeah, the the thing in the military, the alcohol, and it's part of the culture.
Scott McLean:But then when you're the guy that, uh, they decide that's, I got sent to the alcohol rehab center travis air force base for three weeks impatient because they decided that I was the guy that drank too much, right, I got in too many fights, right. But uh, a real quick story on this is uh, they send me there for three weeks. My first sergeant, my kennel master, my trainer, my supervisor, the squad, you know, nco, blah, blah, blah. I come back after three weeks of inpatient. It changed my life. I haven't drank since I go. First thing you do is you got to go see your first sergeant and I go to my first sergeant. I stand in front of him.
Michael Vascellaro:He was at ease and he's how was it?
Scott McLean:And I kind of give him a rundown and he says to me this he says well, I'm glad you went through it. And you know what, I don't see why. Maybe every once in a while at dinner, or you know, on a birthday or something you could have a glass of wine or something and I'm thinking does this motherfucker?
Scott McLean:even know what he sent me for? Was this a like? I was like. I didn't say that to him because he was an asshole, like. So what did you? Okay, thank you for changing my life, but do you really know what you did Like, why you sent me? You thinking that you're telling me I can drink again. So it made no sense. So the drinking in the military and you know, it's all. It's all good until you're that guy and then it's not good.
Michael Vascellaro:So they act like they're holier than thou. So some of the stuff I touch on with my story and the reason why I've been trying to work through my messaging and understanding of things and we want to get to your art and your poetry. Yeah, well, there needs to be a lot of forgiveness. Going on a mittens admit to to guilt right Because what I've noticed is we have a lot of people who serve the military, who may be honorable, but their actions and their responsibilities they failed short of in the military.
Michael Vascellaro:So I don't want to play the blame game or anything like that, because people say you have personal choice, but the the destructive lifestyle and culture that we see happening in america is happening x amount of you know, 10 times more in the military. So what I like to share is that, even though you are considered a grown man at 17, 18, you're kind of when you sign that contract you're in custody of the military.
Michael Vascellaro:Oh yeah, and they can micromanage every little aspect right, like if you shave and how you walk, how you present yourself, all of that. But they failed to do that on a level of lifestyle and recovery that is so crucial and such a key point to a conversation, to fixing the amount of deaths, suicides, murders and all this that's going on in the military that we see right now has to come down to that. So you know, when you're the culture and you're a sergeant, to be in a place of awareness and know how to handle younger troops to lead the way. That structure and that the importance behind it and incorporating health and wellness into that, all comes down to like that, sargent being aware.
Michael Vascellaro:So, um, drinking under age, you know being open to to. I turned 20 in Iraq. I was 19,. Turned 20 in Iraq, so I was 20 when I came home. I'm not legally able to drink, but it's being offered to me and I'm being encouraged by my own chain of command by my. Sergeant, you know, come over, let's hang out, let's have a beer in the back yeah.
Michael Vascellaro:Yeah, the same with when we went to Iraq. If we build our own fob, we have we only have access to what you give, provide us and what you encourage us.
Michael Vascellaro:So for them, to our little fob, little nothing of existence in the middle of Iraq and you find a way to bring a shipping container and put it in the fob and charge us money to consume these products consisting of tobacco, cigarettes or energy drinks, or processed foods. All these things, at least for me, made my experience a hundred times worse than what it needed to be, because imagine going through trauma, imagine putting yourself at deficit of sleep, pushing yourself to your limit, but as you're doing it, you're experiencing inflammation, you're experiencing headaches, you're experiencing stomach cramps, you're experiencing all these symptoms that directly have to do with drinking all the energy drinks, smoking the cigarettes.
Scott McLean:Those creature comforts, as they call them. Yeah, creature comforts.
Michael Vascellaro:But the government knows, from what I've researched, that on one side they say cigarettes are harmful, they're dangerous, they cause cancer, but you're allowing troops that you have screaming and believing the American soldier oath, saying I am a soldier, I am what my country expects me to be the best trained soldier in the world. When you say these oaths, if you really take it to heart, we're not living up to those oaths. Right. You know, and you know that's a, it's a. It's a. It's something that needs to be talked about and has to change.
Scott McLean:So Diagnose of PTSD right.
Michael Vascellaro:Yeah.
Scott McLean:When did you start your poetry? When did you start writing?
Michael Vascellaro:The poetry and the writing. I started dabbling in it about a year ago and I only got serious about it the last maybe nine months, with a couple of tools that are available to make that easier and classes that I've attended um through um the veteran art therapy at the local uh palm beach west palm beach, va.
Michael Vascellaro:Um. They work with, uh, the armory art center that's downtown palm Beach, which offers all mediums of art ceramics, acrylics, screen printing and then creative writing and other things so they don't put a limit on it. You can go to all these classes as much as you want. They don't talk about it a lot, they don't share. That's something that a lot of us are voicing and trying to advocate for, because a lot of their funding gets cut before anybody else's, because they don't really give value to it.
Scott McLean:Yeah.
Michael Vascellaro:So they've done it for about five years and this year was the first year that they didn't secure funding, so we didn't have any available classes to attend this year. But the coordinator's working with that or the VA and stuff. But, they want people that have attended class to talk about it, to share about it to a letter and show why, how important it is or how it's worth.
Scott McLean:But um, friend of mine is an art therapist and, yes, it's very um, overlooked and underappreciated, um, and I don't know what the reason is for that. I don't want to get into that aspect of the conversation, but, um, I have an idea that people look at it as it's foo-foo stuff and it's soft. And listen, I'll just say it and I don't care if anybody listening likes this or not. This is just the way I feel. You know, this military, this veteran thing, can be a little too fucking macho sometimes. I'm just going to say it and again, if you don't like it, I don't care. I see it, you know, and I think that a lot of things get overlooked because it's not dynamic and it's not you know this hardcore, let's go do this, let's go do that shit.
Scott McLean:Some of us don't really care about that shit, some of us just want to do you know, something less, but it's more. It's what I want to do, you know, uh, in art, therapy and art and what it can bring to a veteran who might be too you know, I don't know, maybe I'm being judgmental, too macho to look into that. Or it's like nah, I don't want to do that, you know, but some of us do that. Or it's like, yeah, I don't want to do that, you know, but some of us do, and it shouldn't be lesser than anything else. You know what I mean, yeah, and so I'm with you on that. I think things like that should get funded more and I think it needs more attention and I think more veterans that might be interested but don't want to get caught up in that like I'm just doing yeah, it's hard, it's not there, you know well the thing, own it, the fucking own it.
Michael Vascellaro:The thing for me too is uh with the younger generation. Um, I would say I was in the beginning of those uh stages. Yeah, we have a lot of photos and videos of our experience in Iraq and it's one thing to share photos and share videos and you get that blunt visual. But it's so much more impactful and meaningful when you can take that experience and put it into a visual story or a visual experience. And put it into a visual story or a visual, I make more connection and more of a message, showing you a visual interpretation of that experience rather than just throwing the pictures in front of you and then trying to explain oh, this is this picture, this was, oh, this is when we were getting blown up or up.
Michael Vascellaro:But to put it into picture form or story form is more appealing and more attention grabbing.
Scott McLean:Which is what I'm looking at right now. So Michael was nice enough to bring two of his pieces down here, his artwork. I wouldn't just say they're paintings, I'd look at them, they're more than that. They're very there's a lot going on, but there's a lot to see in these things and they're amazing. I mean he definitely put his heart, soul, mind, thoughts and this I would think these paintings, one is called. Recovery. The One is called Recovery, the other one is called PTSD Yep.
Michael Vascellaro:So kind of like yinging.
Scott McLean:Yeah, yeah.
Michael Vascellaro:And had it not been the support of the VA or my wife, I wouldn't have been able to get to this point. Tell me about your wife.
Michael Vascellaro:This point Tell me about your wife. After getting out of the military I kind of got that typical story where you're lost and homelessness the situation with the ex-wife being dragged through to support court and all of that and sought out college for GI Bill to have a source of income and started out as graphic design here in Boca at Digital Media Arts College, which doesn't exist anymore. They integrated with Lynn University.
Scott McLean:Okay.
Michael Vascellaro:Yeah, we actually met on Plenty of Fish.
Scott McLean:I love that you just come right out and say I love that. Good for you, man, Good for you.
Michael Vascellaro:And we had a lot of similar struggles in life. So it was two people looking for love or looking for a connection that didn't have much. So we didn't have. I didn't have a place to stay, she didn't have a place to stay. For credit, she, her two boys, were in the system and problems with her ex, the father of the two boys. They were young, they were only like three and four, and we decided to come together and build a family and a foundation.
Michael Vascellaro:But again, it took a lot of help from the veteran organizations or the va hospital, uh, hoodvash housing, all of that. My life for like five years was an open book, meaning yeah uh child support court, va.
Michael Vascellaro:Social work, coming in and out of the house offering us housing. But you, you know they're going to come and do inspections. They're gonna. They want to see your budget, they want to see your tax return. Um, I mean, everything about your life when you start asking for help is an open book. There's nothing to hide, there's. You've got to stay on the straight and narrow.
Scott McLean:And she stayed with you through all that.
Michael Vascellaro:Yep, and so the reason why I give her credit for me being able to develop these paintings is because you can tell it takes a lot of time and I have the skills to do sellable work. Yeah, and she wants that for me, she wants it for us, so I have an alternate source of income to be able to fix some of the struggles in our life income to be able to fix some of the struggles in our life.
Michael Vascellaro:But her being patient with me and supporting me through this is crucial because it wasn't about my skills, like can I paint palm trees in a scene? Yeah, can I. Can I do, I have the skills to do certain things that Do. I have the skills to do certain things that we can monetize and sell over in Oregon.
Michael Vascellaro:Yes, but for me in my recovery, in this moment of my life, that wasn't the most important thing was my skills or survival, but is my recovery and my message, and the message behind it is so much more important to me than it is, you know, to be able to just show that I can do. I want to create pieces that represent my recovery but also make such an impact that it starts a conversation, that it makes you think and the transition from doing art.
Michael Vascellaro:So I did drawing and art when I was growing up a little bit, and then Iraq. I took a lot of photos and a lot of videos. But then I went to college for graphic design and got my associates for, you know, web design and graphic design and stuff like that, and I was headed for my bachelor's but I had to step away. So I had to have a deep conversation with the dean and she was like I would really hate for you to walk away and then say that you're going to come at a later time to finish, to get your degree and bachelor's. Because I was really close to getting my bachelor's. But she was like so you've already earned your associates, we're going to go ahead and give you the associates with the extra credits that you have, and the reason why along with that at the same time.
Michael Vascellaro:I had filed for my LLC to start doing photography, so I did like weddings or all different types of things photography or graphic design. As far as like freelance, a website or a business card design or things like that Is, my symptoms, both physically and emotionally, were so much that being able to focus on that and make it successful on top of being a father to four kids, on top of trying to make my recovery. You only have so much time. You only have so much time.
Michael Vascellaro:And it was too much for me. So I had to step back from that and say what's going on getting the securing the disability so that I could take that time and take that disability and start rebuilding myself. Like can? I hope and believe is the first thing that you need, right, the hope and the belief that you can recover from this, that you can get stronger from this, that you can rebuild yourself from this. Um uh. So with that, peer support groups, um alternative therapy through veteran outside or veteran organizations um art therapy, so getting back into doing art, acrylic art and things like that.
Michael Vascellaro:So the biggest thing where my roads cross is through learning my recovery. I'm starting to learn and realize that something that people in the infantry would laugh at, right, but is there's power to your? Words that's right.
Michael Vascellaro:So there's a vibration, is there's power to your words? That's right. So there's a vibration and there's a belief behind the words that you speak and the words that you put out there. And I started digging deeper into that as far as, like, the frequencies, the vibrations and the importance of things and stuff like that. Right, I mean, that's how you watch a movie and when you synchronize that into perfection, that move in like a disney movie, right, these that reality doesn't even exist, the characters don't even, aren't even real but you're, you're crying, you're bawling out that the that is the power of storytelling.
Michael Vascellaro:It's literally like there's a neuroscience that goes with it, and I I know exactly what you're saying so what I learned through my recovery is it's great to advocate for yourself, and we find ourselves in this like circle over and over again every time we go to the doctors. I experienced it every time I go to a new doctor. The va changes the doctor every time you ask for veteran assistance. I'm having to repeat. I'm repeating my struggle, I'm repeating my story.
Scott McLean:I'm repeating I think a lot of us can.
Michael Vascellaro:If somebody really wants to know, they can read it, they can look at it, but that kind of separates yourself from it, because now you should be focusing on the positive things instead of repeating that my back hurts, my stomach hurts, I went through this, I went through that and saying it over and over again, instead saying I still alive, I'm here, I love this and you know, this is I can make, I believe I am getting better, I can get better and telling yourself those things to believe those things I'm going to take a picture.
Scott McLean:Uh, of course, every everybody that comes to this podcast gets now their picture taken on the big pink couch I have to ask you do you like the big pink couch?
Scott McLean:yeah, yeah, it's nice right nice, smooth feeling right, everything's good, good, uh. I'm going to take a picture of michael with his, his paintings, and I don't know. They're just more than paintings to me the way I look at them. There's just a little more than just that. It's it is. Uh, there's some 3d art involved in look at them, there's just a little more than just that. It's it is. Uh, there's some 3d art involved in here and it's. There's a lot going on and everything uh is connected. But I'm going to take a picture, I'm going to post it on my LinkedIn, scott McLean, uh, and I'll put it on Facebook. I'll put it on on the Vets Connection podcast website too. I'm going to put them up there.
Scott McLean:That's all right with you yeah that's fine, you and the picture, because I think people should see them Now. You said sharing and I said at the beginning of this podcast that you were going to share your. Christmas poem. That I think is amazing. So this recording was done on December 10th 2024 by Michael Vassilero. This is his Christmas poem to veterans. Michael is a local artist here in Palm Beach County and I hope you enjoy this.
Michael Vascellaro:A veteran's holiday poem, a Veterans Holiday Poem. Here's a timeline poem that tells the story of my Christmas journey from childhood to adulthood, to fatherhood In upstate New York, where Seneca Lakes, snowy streets adorned with light, christmas awakes Between Geneva and Lyons, a young boy's delight. Decorations and warmth on a cold winter night. Traveling to grandparents, aunts for the cheer, family gatherings, love so sincere. Homemade cookies, nutcrackers stand tall, cartoons and movies, movies, the magic of it all. Snow suits and snowmen, forts in the yard, grandpa's tractor pulling sleds not too hard. Memories of childhood joy in the air, building moments with family to share, building moments with family to share.
Michael Vascellaro:Then came a Christmas at 17, confined, a jail cell for reflection, a troubled mind fighting over a girl just being a kid, a time of sadness, the pain I hid the following year in Iraq's Sandy span. An infantryman, a tankerman, a lonely man preparing trucks for mission, early to rise, wishing for home, tears in my eyes, processed sugars, a cot and a screen. Christmas felt distant, a faraway dream Years. Post-service holidays felt distant. A faraway dream Years. Post-service holidays felt cold, isolation and avoidance. The story told, but then a woman, beautiful and kind, with a big heart, holiday spirit entwined. We mixed our family, four children in tow Struggled to build holidays. Love began to grow Without a tree. Some years were lean, asked for assistance, a humble scene, va hospital Christmas with Santa's cheer, ensuring our kids felt love and joy here.
Michael Vascellaro:Gifts for children, decorations bright. Gifts for children, decorations bright. No gifts for us, but their smiles were our light. We built traditions, excitement and cheer, comfort and happiness year after year. Now our children, with joy in their eyes, look forward to holidays under the skies. They love the time together gifts to unwrap, decorating and laughter. A happy map. So the moral is clear In moments of strife, holidays are beautiful despite the slice. Be grateful and joyful. Don't isolate. Give when you can Share your plate, in cold or heat, north or south, with family or alone. It's not about Be in the moment, cherish the day. You are special, a gift in every way. Christmas should leave you hopeful and bright, grateful and special in its light. Happy holidays to you, near and far. May your journey be blessed wherever you are. I hope this poem captures the essence of a Christmas journey and brings warmth and reflection to your holidays.
Scott McLean:That was good man to your holiday. That was good man, that was good, that still got me. Glad. I wasn't on the mic. That's awesome dude. That is beautiful man. That is beautiful.
Scott McLean:Thank you and it's moving and it's relatable. That's a grand slam. So, thank you, don't thank me, I thank you. I thank you for coming on the podcast. I know this took a lot. I know you're working we talked about this You're working toward getting out there more and getting over the anxieties that you might have and public speaking and hopefully people will listen to this and they'll start reaching out to you because your story is important and I'm glad you're sitting right in front of me right now and that you, you haven't given up and I'm not just saying that to make this sound. You know it's an emotional podcast episode, but that and I'll do, thank, thank you. Thank you for that poem, thank you for your art. Uh, I I would love to get more people to know about you and know about your art and and see where this goes. Um, is there any way if people want to get in touch with you? You want to facebook or do you want? You not want to do that?
Michael Vascellaro:yeah, they can look me up on uh instagram a lot and what's your handle on instagram? Uh, never or n2m veteran, which is november to mike veteran yep, which stands for if you google uh, never too much, kind of a little tag that I attached to that I wanted to use. So I kind of made um never too much photography and design, which was my llc, all right, and then never too much veteran stuff like that right, all right, man.
Scott McLean:Well, thank you again, michael. I truly appreciate and I will be talking again. This isn't like I end up always just becoming friends with the people I interview. It's like I just like being connected like that. I appreciate your time, I appreciate the effort getting down here and I wish you and your wonderful wife and your kids a Merry Christmas. I think that poem the part about the no toys, but it's about the kids and that kind of. I know that and I think a lot of people it resonates with. I can't say it enough. That's an amazing poem. I'm going to play that every year. Now I'm going to play it on my other podcast, my music podcast. Thank you, thank you, thank you for that and the timeliness that you got it in before the interview. You're a good dude man. You're a good dude. You got a good vibe, you have a great attitude, you have a good spirit and I think you will make that difference that you're looking for. I think you will. You know what? You made a difference with me awesome.
Scott McLean:So that's where it starts, right yeah, just one veteran at a time, one person at a time. And again, I'm not just saying this shit, I don't just I don't, on a roll like that, say shit, that's the same. You know what I mean. But you definitely changed me a little bit in a couple of ways and I appreciate it. So thank you, michael, and I want to thank you for listening. As I always say, we built another bridge today, but this was a very it's a beautiful bridge, very artsy and very it's a cool bridge that we built today. And, as I always say also, please listen to the end of the podcast. There's a good public service announcement of veterans, family members of veterans and, even if you're not a veteran, it involves 211 and 988 and a couple other things. It's only 30 seconds long, so please give it a listen. And this is my Christmas episode, so I want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas. Michael, you want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas?
Michael Vascellaro:Yeah, I would want everybody to enjoy their holidays and be grateful for the things you have, and my biggest public announcement would be don't be afraid to ask for help, because I've been there and uh. I've been Baker acted. I've been deep in the mental health but there's light at the end and there is a lot of help and a lot of the people that you hear on in previous episodes. A lot of those people.
Michael Vascellaro:I have worked with directly like Pete, Dr Pete and I wouldn't be here on this podcast or be open to caring, had I not worked with a lot of those people who are. So a lot of people listen to those podcasts and hear the stuff that they, the services they offer. I'm here to let you know that I have used those services and it has helped me a lot.
Scott McLean:So don't be afraid to ask and utilize that All right. Once again, you're a good dude man. You got a good spirit, good soul. And again, merry Christmas everybody. And I will be back, maybe after New Year. I think I'll take the week off between Christmas and new year and we'll pick it up in 2025. And I want to thank you all for listening for the last. I think. I started this eight months ago and it's gotten a great reception and I'm humbled by it and I'm excited to do some more interviews and and create more of a resource for veterans through the vets Net podcastcom. And again, thank you very much.
